


Saving Newt

by WhenItsDarkOut



Category: The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Cancer, Depressed Thomas, Lung Cancer, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 07:58:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5777686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenItsDarkOut/pseuds/WhenItsDarkOut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two boys. One sick with a sick body, the other with a sick mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a couple months ago, decided to change the story A LOT, and then decided to just stick with this and save the other idea for another time.
> 
> Hope you enjoy,
> 
> \- Kitten

I closed my eyes and listened to the rhythmic beep of the arrangement of hospital machines around me. The more I listened, the more the sounds became morphed, deformed and distant. As if I could change them with my thoughts. I became more absorbed in the harmony of sounds, slowly descending into them as if I was drowning. 

 

I felt a harsh hand whack the side of my head, sending my thoughts hurtling from my mind.

 

“Ow.” I groaned, rubbing the point where my mom hit me.

 

“Stop sleeping. Go get me some cigarettes.” She demanded as ironically, began coughing away.

 

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” I stood up from her bedside and went to go get what she desired.

 

Despite the fact she was dying of lung cancer, my mom insisted on having multiple cigarettes a day. I would be lying if I said I didn’t love her, but I’d also be lying if I said I didn’t hate her. I hated who she was during one of her mood swings, a side effect from her cancer medication. She was lovely any other time, the medication turned her into a ferocious monster that attacked anything when provoked. 

 

I made my way down to the first floor of the hospital and got the cigarettes she asked for. Funnily enough, the hospital store sold cigarettes in a cabinet next to the lung cancer awareness fundraiser. 

 

As I made my way back upstairs I saw a vending machine and stopped in front of it. I felt around in my jersey pocket for some loose change. I pulled out a few coins and put them into the slot, punching in the code for a can of soda. As I waited for the drink, I saw something or someone move in the corner of my vision.

 

 At first, I thought it was a nurse or a doctor or something, but I saw the infamous swish of a faded hospital gown and saw it was indeed a patient. The drink came out of the machine but I ignored it, still mesmerized by the person hiding behind the corner. I saw it was a boy. 

 

He was quite attractive. He was lanky and ghostly pale, from the treatment I suppose. His flaxen hair was messy but in a cute way. As if he tried to look okay, but didn’t _really_ try. His eyes have what attracted me the most. They were the colour of dark molasses, staring at me with such curiosity as if I was some intriguing exhibit. They looked like they had once been rich in vibrancy, full of life and happiness. 

 

Now, they were sunken in and looked tired beyond his years, the area around them dark as ash. He couldn’t have been more than seventeen. At the very most, nineteen.

 

I felt my cheeks redden as I turned away from his intense gaze and grabbed the can of soda, quickly rushing back to Mom. 

 

“What took you so long?” She asked as she snatched a box of cigarettes off me. Must still be in one of her mood swings. Though she seemed a little less irritated with me, the scowl she was wearing before and worn off into a slight frown.

 

“Sorry, there was a line.” I lied, fondling the tab of the soda can.

 

She grunted and grabbed a lighter from the cabinet, lighting the cigarette and inhaling its smoke. I didn’t even try to swat the toxic smoke away. I was too absorbed in my thoughts.

 

 

 

The next day I was only too eager to get back to the hospital. I had stayed up late last night. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen him before. I spent most of my spare time, apart from working at my Tate’s cafe, at the hospital. He didn’t look as if he'd just been admitted. He looked as if he’d been there his entire life. I knew what it was like for someone to spend their livelihood in a hospital. The sterile white rooms didn’t stop the toxicity of the hideous disease from infecting the victim and the people surrounding them. I was well aware of how it changed people. 

 

My mom tutted at me as I entered her room. She looked pretty bad today. Over the last couple weeks, her condition had been deteriorating, but I didn’t want to say anything about it. The last thing she needed to be reminded of was her disease. 

 

“Sorry, Tate kept me in. Something about the espresso machine being broken.” I explained as I sat by her bedside.

 

We sat in silence for a while, enjoying the quietness.

 

“Who’s that blonde boy?” I questioned, looking out the window into the dreary city outside.

 

“Oh, the skinny tall one? Newt?” She sat herself up, I could see she was getting weaker as she struggled to sit up. I swore I could hear her bones creak and groan.

 

 _Newt_. I liked the sound of it. It was different, not something generic like Thomas.

 

“Yeah. Him.”

 

“Oh, poor thing. The boy has been in and out of here for years.” She shook her head, picking lightly at the IV tube in her hand. “If my cancer was like that, I’d just want it to take me away. I couldn’t handle being on death’s doorstep for that long. Just teetering on the edge.”

 

I nodded and pondered on the thought. I stood up and excused myself from my mother's side. 

 

I had barely shut the door and walked a step forward before I was stopped by a voice.

 

“I heard you talking about me.”

 

I swear my heart nearly fell out of my ass. Newt just smirked.

 

“How’d you know?” I asked, swallowing nervously.

 

He shrugged. “These walls aren't soundproof… also, your voice is really loud.”

 

“It is?”

 

“Yep,” He frowned and scoffed a little. “Sounds like a bloody foghorn.”

 

I laughed a little. “Did you just come to tell me how loud my voice is or do you have something important to say?”

 

“Hm, maybe,” Newt said with a smirk.

 

“Why were you spying on me yesterday?” I asked.

 

“I wasn’t spying.”

 

I laughed gently. “Right, then what were you doing?”

 

“I was just observing,” He said with a shrug.

 

“Observing?” I frowned slightly, still smiling. “Like a zoo exhibit or something?”

 

Newt shook his head slightly. “No, I’ve just seen you around a lot. I know your mum is on the same ward as me.”

 

I paused and pursed my lips. “You’re different, aren't you?”

 

“Aren’t we all?” Newt chuckled, the corners of his eyes crinkling; a genuine smile. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper which he tucked into my palm. “Just in case.”

 

I smiled and he smiled back before walking back to his room.

 

 

 

 

 

“Where have you been?” My mom asked, sipping from a cup of water.

 

“Just talking to someone,” I replied, sitting down at her bedside.

 

“Newt?”

 

My cheeks flushed pink. “Yes.”

 

“I pray for him.” She consoled, rubbing her collarbone as if she was in pain. “His parents are terrible. Never visit, never call. Their son is sick with cancer and they don't even care. I’ve seen his brother before, nice boy. A bit loud, but nice.”

 

I felt my heart sink a little.

 

“Thomas? Are you okay?” My mom held my hand with her frail one, stroking the back gently.

 

“Yeah,” I shook my head, trying to physically shake the thoughts from my head. “I’m fine.”

 

“You should get going. Tate will be waiting for you.” She whispered as she closed her eyes.

 

She was tired, so I kissed her cheek and left. I looked for Newt quickly. He wasn’t there so I got in my car and drove home.

 

 

 

 

 

“About goddamn time!” Tate called out from the kitchen as I entered the house above the cafe.

 

Tate was strong, a rather charismatic and handsome man. He had a five o’clock shadow that occasionally developed into stubble when he forgot to shave. And that was most of the time, seeing as he had a goldfish memory. He wasn’t really my uncle, despite the fact I used to call him Uncle Tate. He was a really good friend of my dads and he helped us with a lot, he let me work at his cafe which Mom was grateful for. 

 

“I was seeing Mom.” I shot him an accusing stare. “Something _you_ should be doing too.”

 

He put down the dish he was drying and tutted sympathetically. “You know I would if I could.”

 

“You know she’s not getting any better, right?”

 

He grunted and carried on drying a dish.

 

I rolled my eyes and went to the fridge and began rummaging around for a snack. I hadn’t noticed how hungry I was.

 

“You met someone, didn’t you?” 

 

I spun around, wide-eyed. 

 

“No.” I lied, frowning defensively.

 

Tate chuckled and put the dishrag on the bench. “Whatever you say.”

 

“Okay,” I put my hands on my hips. “So what if I met someone?”

 

“Oh, I never said you did. But thank you for telling me.” He smirked.

 

“What’s it to you if I met someone?”

 

“You didn’t meet someone. You met _someone_.” 

 

I frowned, “What’s the difference?”

 

Tate smiled to himself as if he knew something I didn’t. “Oh, you’ll find out. Prepare for sleepless nights and heartache ahead.”

 

He left the kitchen and went back down to the cafe. Leaving me bewildered and confused.

 

 

 

 

 

He was right. I couldn’t sleep. I had no idea why. I had tried everything. Drinking milk, stretching, staring into space until my eyes stung. I just couldn’t sleep. I had a shift early that morning at the cafe and I was dreading it. Suddenly, I remembered the piece of paper Newt gave me. I flicked on the flashlight on my phone and went to my jeans and fished it out. I put in the number and pondered what I should say.

 

 

 **Thomas** : Are you asleep?

 

 

Almost immediately, Newt replied.

 

 

 **Newt** : Yes.

 

 

I smiled in the dark, the screens light illuminating my face. We carried on talking for the rest of the night. Just aimless chitchat, questioning the universe and stuff like that. Eventually, I fell asleep.

 

I braced myself on the kitchen bench, struggling to keep awake. I felt as if I had been drugged with some sort of sleep inducing medication.

 

“I told you so.” Tate jeered, sipping on his steaming mug of tea. “You shouldn’t have spent all night texting him.”

 

“I- I wasn’t texting him.” I lied, blushing.

 

“So it’s a guy?” He raised an eyebrow though I don’t think he was surprised. “Anyways, it has to be him you were talking to all last night.”

 

“How?”

 

“Because you’re socially deficient.” Tate laughed.

 

“I am not socially deficient!” I crossed my arms childishly. “I have friends.”

 

“Right,” He grabbed his keys off the table. “Cause guys that practically live at the hospital have friends.”

 

I heard the door shut as he left. I checked the time, 10 o’clock. He was probably working down in the cafe, doing my shift for me. 


	2. The Passing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy
> 
> \- Kitten

“Sorry I’m late-,” I said as I entered her room. She looked _really_ sick today. Her skin was extremely pale, you could see her veins, like dark valleys through her skin. A nurse stood in the doorway, a grim expression on her face. She nodded knowingly before leaving my mom and me alone.

 

She tried to say something but all that came out was a quiet croak. It broke my heart to see her like this. So weak and vulnerable. She had been the stronger one when Dad died. She insisted that we carry on and move in with Tate. She told me it was what Dad would’ve wanted. 

 

I knew she was tired. She fell asleep for awhile until she woke up, breathing horrifically like she was drowning on the air. I tried to speak to her but I couldn’t make sense of the scratches and gasps she made.

 

“Mom?” I said barely above a whisper, holding her hand. It was ice cold.

 

She turned her head, using every ounce of energy she had. I looked into her eyes. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t need to. Her eyes said what I was dreading.

 

She was dying.

 

“Thomas,” she whispered slowly, her voice crackly. “When you find someone to love, I want you to make sure you love them with everything you’ve got. You never know when they’ll leave you.” 

 

“What are you talking about?” I shook her hand lightly, determined to keep her awake. 

 

“I love you, Thomas.” She smiled softly, slowly closing her eyes.

 

“No, no.” I whispered frantically, squeezing her hand as she drifted off into something I knew wasn’t sleep. “No!”

 

I felt her grip on my hand weaken until it was nonexistent. Her eyes closed but her faint smile stayed. A single tear rolled down my cheek as she left me. 

 

For good.

 

 

 

 

Her funeral at the hospital was small. She wasn’t an extravagant woman. Never wore makeup or extremely high heels, so the ceremony was what she would’ve wanted. The only people there were Tate, a couple of nurses that looked after her and me. 

 

Dad’s family refused to speak to her. They didn’t even say anything when she got diagnosed. What sort of cruel people do that?

 

As I left the funeral I felt a gentle hand place itself on my shoulder. I turned and saw it was Newt.

 

“I’m really sorry.” He sympathised. 

 

I felt my eyes begin to water again.

 

Newt pulled me into a hug. In his warm embrace, I let the tears flow. I had never cried as much as I did in his arms. I felt at home. 

 

“She didn’t deserve it,” I muttered over and over again, my body shaking with harsh sobs.

 

“I know she didn’t.” Newt gently pulled me away and forced me to look into his eyes. 

 

“She’s happy.” He directed to the sky. “There’s no pain, no cancer up there.”

 

I nodded and sniffled. “Why are you even helping me?”

 

“Because that,” He squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. “Is what people ought to do for each other.”

 

I felt hopeless. I felt alone in the world. Like no one cared. Yes, I still had Tate and a couple other relatives in other states. But inside, I felt completely alone.

 

He looked me deeply in the eyes and I saw something. Something I had never seen in someones eyes before. “You’re never alone. _I_ care, Tommy.”

 

I managed the smallest of smiles, Newt smiled back making my heart flush. 

 

 

 

Once I had stabilised a bit, Newt managed to get the ward nurse to let him go out, so we decided on a small cafe near the hospital.

 

“Do you get to go out often?” I asked, stirring my latte.

 

“Actually, if I’m fine I might be able to get let out next week.”

 

Butterflies erupted in my stomach. This time, I didn’t stop them. I remembered what Mom had told me. I wasn’t going to stop myself from feeling things, I owed her that. 

 

“Really? That’s great.” I grinned, sipping from my drink. It was scalding hot.

 

“Yeah, but I might have to stay with Leo and he’s so bloody overprotective. I feel as if I’m in Alcatraz.” Newt took a sip of his dark coffee. I was surprised to know he drank it pitch black, no sugar.

 

“You can stay with me.” I blurted, the words almost tumbling out of my mouth.

 

“Really? It’s fine. I can stay with Leo.”

 

“You can stay. My uncle won’t mind.” I insisted, taking another sip from my drink. 

 

Newt smiled at me as if to thank me. 

 

The cafe we were in was nice. It was quiet enough and had a nice vibe to it. The walls were plastered with Italian newspapers giving it a hipster feel. The warm air smelt of freshly roasted coffee beans and baking, delicious. Newt was what really made it special. Just having him around was enough to raise even the lowest of spirits.

 

After a while, I dropped Newt off back at the hospital.

 

“See you next week?” He asked as he got out of my car.

 

“Of course.” I smiled back at him. I couldn’t help smile when I was around him. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I arrived home early afternoon. Tate must’ve thought that was too late because he decided to lay on his sarcastic comments as soon as I entered the door.

 

“Where have you been?” He asked, still in his clothes from the funeral. 

 

“Out,” I replied, pouring myself a glass of juice and drinking it.

 

“With whom?” He pestered.

 

“I’m nineteen, not thirteen or something.” I put the glass in the sink, frowning. “You don’t need to know every detail of my life.”

 

He tutted, wagging his finger. “But I do. Especially when there’s a boy in your life.”

 

I placed my hands on my hips and groaned. “Stop pestering me about some little crush.”

 

I slammed a hand over my mouth. Crush? _Crush_? I just said Newt was my crush. Oh god. I’m never going to hear the end of this.

 

“Crush?!” Tate laughed, slapping his leg. “He’s your…crush?”

 

I blushed and felt myself wilt like a dying flower. “Shut up! I’m allowed to have crushes. Even if they're little.”

 

“True.” He put his jacket on and started to go down stairs to the cafe. “Doesn’t mean I can’t make fun of you for it!”

 

I rolled my eyes and looked out the window. The city looked dreary, as usual. The colourless skyscrapers and tall buildings matched the colour of the sky, plain and lifeless. I remembered when there was the three of us. My mom, dad and me. We used to go to visit my grandparents out in the country. I vividly remember the intense sunlight. I hated it back then but I longed for it again. Now, all the sunlight we got came through grey clouds, only emphasising on the dreariness of the city. 

 

I sighed and made my way down to the cafe to begin my shift. 

 


	3. The Stay

The week before Newt got let out felt like months. Every day felt so slow, like the hours had to struggle through golden syrup to go by. To say I was excited would be an understatement. I had literally got ready two hours before I left.

 

“Where are you going?” Tate asked, scratching his salt-and-pepper stubble.

 

“I’m going to go pick up Newt.” I grinned excitedly, running a hand through my hair.

 

He stared at me as if I told him I was from Mars. “You know that you still have half an hour?”

 

“Yeah, I know.” I picked up the house keys and my phone. “But there’s no harm in being early.”

 

“Alright, Eager Beaver. Have fun.” He called out as I left.

 

I jogged to my car and got in, excitedly turning the ignition key. My car wasn’t a stunner. A small burgundy 90s car that sounded like it was about to die if you pushed it too hard. Still, I loved it. I had worked tireless hours at the cafe to pay for it. It took me months but it was worth it to not have your uncle drive you around. Especially when it’s Tate, who blares The Eagles on full volume everywhere he goes. 

 

I pulled up to the hospital and saw Newt waiting for me, absorbed on his phone with a suitcase by his side. He noticed me and grinned. He looked so different. He still had the nasal tube but he looked different when he wasn’t wearing a dreary hospital gown. He looked slightly healthier, a little less pale. I couldn’t stop staring, and I’m going to admit that when he came around the other side my eyes weren’t on his face. If you know what I mean.

 

I got out and helped him with his suitcases. “Bloody hell- what do you carry in here? Rocks?”

 

Newt shrugged and smiled. “I’m a sick little boy, that comes with a fair bit of medical equipment to lug around.”

 

“Right.” I nodded and loaded them into the boot, not without the occasional sarcastic complaint. I couldn’t help myself. 

 

“Are you just going to stare?” He smirked as we got into the car and put on our seat belts. 

 

I shook the thoughts from my head and gripped the steering wheel. “Sorry. Long night last night.”

 

“At the cafe?” He questioned as we drove out of the hospital carpark. 

 

I was surprised he knew about the cafe. I didn’t think I had told him about it. “How do you know about that?”

 

“Your mum told me about you.” He raked a hand through his hair and looked out the window.

 

I shrugged my shoulders. My mom did say she knew Newt, so I wasn’t that surprised that they knew each other. I wondered what she told him.

 

We pulled up to a red light. I turned to look at Newt and felt my face flame up. He looked effortlessly stunning. Just, he naturally looked amazing. The pale sunlight danced onto his cheekbones, making him glow almost angelic like. My mouth hung shamelessly open. I had never seen someone so beautiful.

 

Newt turned to me, frowning. “Tommy?”

 

I felt my ears go pink with embarrassment. He must’ve seen me staring. “Sorry.”

 

He looked at me as if I should know what was going on. When I heard the loud honks of the cars behind me and looked at the green light, I realised what he was talking about.

 

“Shit!” I hissed, quickly driving through before I got murdered by the other drivers.

 

Newt laughed, which sounded like music to my ears. I smiled too, his laugh was contagious. I looked back at Newt again, still laughing. I felt my heart swell. I looked back onto the road, butterflies exploding inside me.

 

 

 

 

“And then the guy flipped you off!” Newt laughed as we entered the apartment together and sat down on the couch, still smiling from the traffic incident. 

 

“Ahem.” 

 

Tate was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, a condescending smirk on his face. I gave him a pleading ‘please don’t embarrass me’ look but he ignored me.

 

“So? This is Newt.” He pushed the tab of the soda can down and took a sip. 

 

Newt bowed sarcastically. “The one and only.”

 

“Ah,” Tate pointed knowingly, nodding his head. “I’ve heard a lot of about you. Thomas won’t shut up about you. Newt _this_ , Newt _that_.”

 

I blushed furiously and my voice got defensively higher, Newt giggled. “That’s not true!”

 

Tate winked at me and descended back the kitchen. My face was red hot, I was sure I was going to ignite into flames and burn like a phoenix dying of embarrassment. 

 

“I’m so sorry about him. He’s such an idiot.” I cringed, the heat of my face cooling down slightly.

 

Newt giggled, “It’s fine. Honestly, Leo’s like that too. Except he also tries to beat up everything that moves. He’s always been like that. When little kids used to make fun of my name, he went nuts. It was funny.” 

 

“So is your birth name Newt?” I asked, accidentally placing my hand atop of his. 

 

“Well,” He didn’t move his hand away from mine. “My first name is actually Isaac and my last name is Newton. My parents thought it would be clever to call me Isaac Newton. Clever my _ass_. Anyways, my brother didn’t get it as bad, he’s Leo DaVinci Newton. I got the worst of it.” 

 

I grinned, happy that he didn’t move his hand away from mine. “That’s great.”

 

“It’s not great when all the bloody kids are asking you if you can change a lightbulb.” Newt smiled back, stroking the back of my hand sending bolts of electricity through me. 

 

He touched my hand. With his hand. I squealed on the inside. I felt like one of those pathetic girls in those chick-flick films that fangirl if their crush looked even remotely in their direction.

 

“Hey, you two. Stop frolicking around, you’ve got dishes to do.” Tate yelled out.

 

I groaned and got up. “I literally just did the dishes. How many dishes can one man produce?”

 

“I have no idea.” Newt smiled and got up, and for the split second our hands grazed against each other, I felt something explode inside me. Something powerful. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Bloody hell!” Newt yelled, grabbing his calf and hissing in pain.

 

I had just towel-whipped Newt with one of the tea towels. While Tate had told us to do the dishes, we were doing anything but. 

 

I laughed, shielding my body with my hands as he planned his attack. “You deserved that- you hit me before!”

 

“I didn’t hit you _that_ hard!” He groaned, smiling through the pain.

 

I gave him a questioning look. “Okay, fine let me look at your ‘wound’.”

 

He pulled up his jeans exposing a massive red welt. It was a long bump, like a scar, and was furiously pink. It looked like a mini mountain range across his pale calf.

 

“Shit.” I knelt down and grazed my fingers across the bump. Newt shivered at my touch. “I _did_ hit you hard.”

 

“Really? Didn’t notice.” Newt said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

 

“Do you want an icepack or something?” I asked as I stood up.

 

Newt pulled down the leg of his jeans and smiled. “I think I’ll be fine.”

 

After more mucking around and being idiots we eventually finished doing the dishes. I have never laughed as hard as I did with Newt. 

 

He lit up a room with his pleasant light, making everyone around him feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. Especially me. 

 

Over the coming weeks that Newt stayed with Tate and me, I began to notice something. Every time Newt laughed, butterflies exploded in my stomach. Whenever we accidentally touched, I felt electricity rush down my spine. I didn’t know what these feelings were, or why I was feeling them. I felt so confused, yet intrigued. I decided to ask Tate.

 

“Tate?” I asked. I didn’t have to make our conversation private as Newt was at Leo’s for the afternoon.

 

He frowned looked over the top of the newspaper at me. “Yes?”

 

“I need your help.” I sat down next to him at the table, a bit nervous. 

 

Tate put the newspaper down and looked at me impatiently, raising an eyebrow. “You’re falling for him, aren’t you?”

 

“Wh- no!” I said defensively. I was shocked he would say such a thing.

 

He grunted and went back to his newspaper. “That’s what it seems like.”

 

“Why would you think I’m falling for him?” I looked at him suspiciously. He must have his reasons for coming up with such daring accusations.

 

“Thomas,” He sighed, turning over the page of the newspaper. “You nearly wet yourself with excitement every time he's around. When he touches you, you nearly pass out. I’ve seen the way you look at him. I just _know_.”

 

I sat there dumbfounded. All the things he said were surprisingly true. I couldn’t believe. I couldn’t fall for him. I just couldn’t. It was impossible. 

 

“Do you think he likes me?” I muttered quietly, nervous about the answer. 

 

“I don’t know.” Tate sighed, continuing to read the newspaper. “You’ll have to ask him.”

 

“I can’t do that! What if he turns me down?” I groaned.

 

“You’ll never know unless you ask.” He ruffled the papers irritably. “And no offence, but I don’t think he’s going to be around for too long. So you better hurry up if you're going to ask.” 

 

He was right. Newt might not be around for much longer and I don’t think I could live with myself if I never got to tell him how I feel. I had to tell him, the sooner the better. 

 

I looked at my phone and checked the time. “I better go get Newt from Leo’s.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Leo,” I explained, getting up and putting on my grey jersey. “Newt’s brother? He’s been at his place all afternoon.”

 

“Ah,” He nodded. “So that’s why you’re not all giddy like you usually are.”

 

I opened my mouth to retaliate but closed it once I realised who I was talking to. 

 

Tate would verbally battle anybody for as long as his vocal chords would allow him. And once he got too tired to speak he'd just move to texting. You might as well just give him the satisfaction of ‘winning’ the battle and move on. 

 

I got in my car and made my way to the address Newt had given me, which I assumed to be Leo’s. This time, I wasn’t distracted by Newt. Whenever he entered the room, I felt my vision being pulled onto him by an invisible force. He’s just so mesmerising. 

 

After a while, I pulled up to the apartment complex and got out, found the place and knocked on the door. Immediately, Newt opened the door. 

 

He grinned at me, his eyes filled with happiness I hadn’t seen in a while. “Tommy, hey!”

 

I heard a deep British voice ring out from inside the house. “Newt! Hurry the _fuck_ up! It’s about to start!”

 

“Heh, sorry. That’s just Leo. He gets very worked up over… football.” He said sheepishly.

 

I laughed, swallowing nervously. “Oh, yeah. I’m sure he does.”

 

Newt directed indoors, “Come inside. He’s obviously getting settled into a bloody game again.”

 

I went in and followed Newt into the living room. Leo was sitting on the couch surrounded by bags of snacks, shirtless I might add. He was tanner than Newt, with had longish hair and a silver nose ring. Still, they were similar in their own ways. However, they were also very different. Newt was quite shy and placid while Leo obviously had no trouble making his opinions heard.

 

“No, no- _fuck_!” He screamed at the TV, gripping his hair as if he might pull it out. 

 

He turned and saw Newt and I standing in the doorway. Leo looked embarrassed about his outburst and scratched the back of his neck nervously, his muscles flexing as he did so. 

 

“Leo! Can you not be a bloody dumbass for two seconds? The landlord is going to kill you. Again.” Newt pouted making me groan internally.

 

Leo shrugged and laughed. “Woah, calm down. You’re my _little_ brother not my dad. I can be an idiot all I want.”

 

“Not when it lowers the IQ of the whole blimin’ suburb…” Newt muttered under his breath. I struggled to contain my laughter.

 

“If you and your boyfriend don’t like it, there’s a door.” He directed to the door and went back to watching the football game. 

 

“He-“ Newt went beet red and clenched his fists by his side. “He’s not my boyfriend!”

 

I quickly said goodbye to him, Leo didn’t seem nearly as bad as Newt made him out to be. I could hear Leo laughing loudly as Newt slammed the door on him.

 

“He’s such an idiot.” Newt groaned as we left.

 

It had begun to rain. It seemed as if someone was sitting and pouring buckets onto the city. It pelted down softly, but in large amounts. It was like the rain in the shitty kissing scene in The Notebook.

 

We both raced to the car, trying to avoid the soaking rain. We drove off. My little excuse of a car was sounding more like it was dying than usual. 

 

Slightly alarmed, I took a detour off the busier roads. Suddenly, as we drove down a quiet street it decided to come to a complete halt.

 

“Shit,” I muttered under my breath, unbuckling my seatbelt and getting out check it out what I had done to stuff up my car this time.

 

I lifted the hood and the horrific stench of car engine smoke invaded my nostrils. Coughing, I shut it and lent on it, groaning. Of all times, my car had to die on me _now_. In the pouring _fucking_ rain.

 

“What’s wrong?” Newt asked, getting out of the car.

 

I turned and looked at him. His flaxen whirl of hair was already getting damp from the rain. “Get back in the car, Newt. You’ll get pneumonia or something.”

 

Newt frowned and came and sat next to me on the hood. “I’m not going to get pneumonia.”

 

“Ugh, this rain reminds me of the shit from The Notebook.” I laughed, the rain had subsided to a tolerable drizzle.  

 

“I’m sure they’re romantic for the people in them.” Newt placed his hand on top of mine, something I noticed he now did often.

 

I turned and beamed at him. “Since when did you know about romantic movies?”

 

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess when you really like somebody you feel like you’re in a romantic movie yourself.”

 

 

 

 

The car ride home wasn’t as romantic as the movies we discussed. For starters, we sat soaking wet the whole trip and Tate had to pick us up which was horrifically embarrassing as he played Hotel California the whole way home. Newt found it hilarious, I on the other hand, didn’t. 

 

“Please stop! Your horrible music is killing me!” I begged, resting my elbow on the windowsill. 

 

“That reminds me, Newt.” Tate had a mischievous gleam in his eye. He was definitely up to something. “When Thomas was thirteen, he made this home video of him singing Wannabe by The Spice Girls. Oh god, it was amazing.”

 

“Shut up! Oh my god.” I laughed sarcastically, looking outside the window.

 

Newt leant over and whispered so only I could hear. “Spice Girls member or not, I still think you’re wonderful.”

 

I turned and looked at Newt and my heart swelled at those simple words. He blushed and looked away from my gaze as if he said something he shouldn’t have.  

 

“What’s all the whispering about back there?” He turned around and looked a bit confused. Newt and I were both sitting like schoolboys that had got yelled at by their teacher, very awkward and flustered. He turned back to the road and didn’t say anything else. 

 

 


	4. The Dream.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This has blood depiction / mention in it, so consider this a warning.
> 
> \- Kitten

“Did they name the palm after the tree or the tree after the palm?” I asked into the darkness. We had all gone to bed but Newt was lying on the bed next to mine, the blue light of his phone illuminating his pale features. 

 

He continued to look at whatever was on his phone. “I don’t know, Thomas.”

 

“You’ll never sleep if you keep looking at your phone,” I warned, snuggling into the blankets.

 

He looked at me momentarily before going back to his phone. “I don’t sleep anyways.”

 

“Then what do you do?” I tried to close my eyes and sleep, but I was tempted to open them.

 

“I think about things,” He whispered in a scarily calm voice.

 

I could feel my mind descending into slumber. “Tell me then.” 

 

Before he could begin to tell me anything, I succumbed to the intoxicating darkness and fell asleep.

 

 

Darkness. Stillness and crisp air. Then there was light. I’m in a room, a room made of white light. There is nothing else. I cannot see beyond a few metres. Curiosity takes hold, and I move forward into the unknown. 

 

Bewildered, I move further around in the room. I place a hand on the sterile white wall and feel nothing but coldness. I rap my knuckles against it but it makes no sound. Just emptiness. 

 

Suddenly, I hear a loud sob. I turn and see it's my mother. She’s crawling across the floor towards me. She’s in a hospital gown, tubes connected to her but attached to no machines. She begins to breathe horrifically, her lungs working in overdrive to keep her dying body alive. She collapses onto the ground, her breathing crude and violent. I nearly stumble backwards in shock. I close my eyes as if that’d make the horrible scene in front of me disappear. 

 

I open my eyes again. Instead of my mother on the ground, there’s Newt. He’s shirtless, with his back to me. The veins in his back aggravated and vibrant. Before I can go and say anything, he turns around. I press my back against the wall and gasp. His eyes are bloodshot and filled with pure madness. The loving dark eyes I once knew, now terrified me. The veins in his face, neck and chest are so intense and angry that they pulsate themselves. 

 

He inhales sharply and starts coughing. So intensely that blood starts coming up at an abnormal level. 

 

I back up against the wall as hard as I can. Terror paralysed me and all I could do was watch in horror as Newt hacks up blood.

 

He finally stops, a puddle of blood surrounding him. Slowly, he turns his head crudely and looks towards me. I can see in his eyes that insanity has taken him hostage. 

 

“Tommy,” He mutters, crawling through his own mass of blood towards me. 

 

I felt my chest rise and fall heavily as he approaches me. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I was frozen.

 

He gropes his face as if he’s trying to rip it off, leaving thick streaks of blood across his pale skin.

 

“Tommy.” He’s close to me now. I can smell the notorious iron stench of blood. 

 

He raises a bloodied hand in front of me, the dark glossy liquid shining in the intense white light. 

 

Newt smiles manically, his lip trembling. “We’re all going to die, Tommy. We’re all going to die.”

 

I didn’t have the strength to push him off. My feet were cemented in place, no matter how hard I willed them to move I could barely move an inch. 

 

“Save me, Tommy.” He looked distraught now, tears streaming down his cheeks and mixing with the thick blood smeared across his cheeks. “Save me.”

 

Newt raises a hand to me, trembling with fear. He begins to glitch as if static was interrupting his existence. 

 

“Tommy, save me.” He whispers as he glitches out, I can barely focus on him now. He glitches between my mom and himself, crackling like a broken video.

 

He begins to glitch out completely. “Save me.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Thomas!” 

 

I wake up, tears streaming down the corners of my face and soaking the pillow. I can barely breathe I’m crying so hard. Newt is atop of me, shaking my shoulders violently.

 

I open my eyes and look into Newt’s dark ones. They’re not manic or pained like in the dream. They’re kind and gentle, the ones I know too well.

 

“Tommy? Are you okay?” He asks frantically, stroking my cheek with the back of his hand. I wince when he calls me Tommy.

 

My breathing is steady now and I have the energy to talk. “Yeah, I’m fine… What happened?”

 

Newt got off me and kneeled at my side. “I woke up and you were screaming. I ran in here and you were… paralysed.”

 

I looked away, embarrassed. I must’ve looked pathetic. 

 

“Tommy,” He frowned at me with a concerned expression on his face. “What did you see?”

 

I couldn’t tell him what I saw. I’d sound like I was insane. “N-nothing.”

 

“Tell me what you saw.” Newt scowled. He looked irritated, almost angry.

 

“I didn’t see anything, okay!” I snapped, angrily running a hand through my hair. 

 

He looked hurt but kept a brave facade. I could see right through it. “I can’t help you if you won’t tell me what’s wrong.”

 

“I don’t want your help.” I huffed, tucking my knees under my chin.

 

“I don’t care if you don’t want my help, you’re going to get it. Tommy, I don’t think you realise but you got paralysed by fear in your _fucking_ sleep! That’s not normal!” Newt hissed quietly, trying not to wake up Tate.

 

I looked away sheepishly, fiddling with the corner of the blanket. “I’m sorry.”

 

“We’re all sorry for a lot of things.” He bit the inside of his cheek, scowling.

 

We sat in silence for a while. The rain from yesterday had returned, hitting the roof softly. Guilt and shame ate away at me. Newt looked pissed off. Really pissed off.

 

“I just hope you know the people around you really care for you.” He stood up and went back to his room. 

 

His words echoed in my ears. They lingered there, depriving me of sleep. By the time I slept, sunlight was already creeping in through the gaps in the curtains. Newt must’ve already got up as when I check his room, his bed was empty, blankets spewed everywhere. I ripped myself out of bed and walked to the kitchen. I could barely stand up straight I was so tired. I felt as if I had been drugged with some sleep inducing narcotic.

 

“You look like shit.” Tate gasped, putting down his mug of tea onto the kitchen table. Newt, who was sitting opposite him, turned and stared at me and frowned.

 

I rubbed my eyes and yawned. “Thanks, I appreciate your positivity.”

 

“No problem,” Tate commented, winking at me and returning to drinking his tea.

 

I caught Newt’s gaze and smiled softly at him, he glared and looked out the window. Luckily, Tate said he needed to go do pick something up from the airport and left us. 

 

“Newt,” I sat down where Tate was sitting before. “I’m sorry about earlier, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. You were just trying to help.”

 

He looked at me and frowned. He looked adorable, as always, even though he didn’t look too pleased to see me. 

 

He ran a hand through his messy hair. “Whatever. Forget any of this ever happened.”

 

“What if I don’t want to forget it?” I clenched my jaw, raising an eyebrow. I was determined to get him to listen, he wasn’t getting rid of me that easy.

 

He tapped his finger across the table. “There are some things in life, that you just have to live with and forget.”

 

“This isn’t one of those.” I retorted, my words coming out harsher than intended.

 

Newt tucked the nasal tube behind his ear, inhaling some much-needed air from his nasal cannula before carrying on. “You’ve got to learn, that life is short. For some people, it’s shorter than others. I don’t have time to be petty arguing with you.”

 

“It’s not petty arguing!” I whined defensively, pouting like a child.

 

He pursed his lips and muttered quietly. “It’s petty.”

 

“Look who’s doing the petty arguing now?” I pointed my finger at Newt. “You.”

 

“You’re the one that started it!” He retorted. “You are such a five-year-old.” 

 

“Yeah, at least, I don’t look five.” 

 

Newt clenched his fists. “Don’t make fun of my babyface!”

 

I struggled to stop myself from laughing. Biting my lip, a small giggle escaping. Newt did not look amused.

 

“So what if I have a babyface? At least, I don’t have muscles like Hulk Hogan!” Newt sneered, screwing up his face.

 

I laughed loudly. “Is that meant to be an insult?”

 

“Your face is enough of an insult.” He raised an eyebrow and said calmly.

 

I pretended to be insulted and smacked a hand against my chest. “Oh, I’m so crushed by your vicious insults.”

 

Newt cracked a smile and chuckled. I couldn’t help myself but smile too.  

 

He bit his lip and shook his head. “You’re an idiot Thomas.”

 

“I know, but I wouldn’t be the Thomas you know and love if I wasn’t an idiot.” I stood up from my seat and started rummaging through the fridge.

 

Newt scoffed and immediately said, “Who said I loved… _you?”_

 

I felt a little bit crushed. I knew he was only joking but it still hurt. Wait- why did I feel hurt if he didn’t love me? Of course, he didn’t love me. We were friends. Just friends. 

 

I swallowed hard and grabbed a small tub of ice cream from the very back of the fridge. It was probably ancient and most likely had a colony of organisms growing inside it.

 

“You’re eating ice cream for breakfast?” 

 

I shrugged carelessly, “No one ever said I couldn’t.”

 

Newt frowned and cocked his head. “Are you alright?”

 

I cleared my throat and tried to put on my happiest tone. “Oh, yeah. I’m fine.”

 

“Alright.” He pulled out his phone and began doing something on it.

 

Suddenly, I no longer felt hungry. I opened the fridge and slid the tub to the back of the fridge. Without saying a word, I left and went to have a shower.

 

I probably spent way too long in the shower as when I got out I felt dazed and flustered. My skin was tinged pink from the hot water and I probably used up all the hot water. I didn’t really care.

 

I got dressed into jeans and a t-shirt. As I went to leave my room I heard a loud bang and the sound of something heavy rolling across the floor. Immediately, I raced to Newt’s room to check if he was okay. I raced in and saw Newt with a long tube in one hand, the other scrunched up in apprehension. One of his oxygen tanks had dropped with a thud to the floor and rolled under the desk. Apparently, hitting his foot on the way down.

 

“Oh my god- are you okay?” I asked, smiling slightly at his flustered appearance.

 

Newt chuckled and reached under the desk and picked up the tank. “I just dropped it, that’s all.”

 

“Did it fall on you?” I took the heavy tank from his hold and sat it upright underneath the window.

 

“Just a bit. I don’t really care.” He shrugged.

 

I saw a piece of paper and reached under the desk and grabbed the pamphlet. I read the title:

 

_Suicide and Depression for Cancer Patients._

 

Before I could read any further, Newt reached and snatched it from my grasp and crunched it up.

 

“What-“ I began.

 

Newt dropped the crunched paper and hissed. He began to squeeze his hand, a paper cut. “Shit.”

 

“Let me see.” I took his wrist and looked at the cut finger. It was a cringeworthy cut, deep enough and oozing with a small amount blood.

 

He twisted his wrist out of my grip and tucked it away. “It’s fine, I cut myself often.”

 

“ _What_?” My mouth dropped shamelessly open.

 

He turned and looked me in the eyes. Completely emotionless and monotone, his words robotic and perfectly structured. “By accident, of course.”

 

I looked into his eyes for a while, searching for some nonexistent emotion and life in them. Suddenly, I had a horrific flashback to the terrible dream and the madness in his eyes. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

 

“Okay,” I said shakily, managing a small smile.

 

Newt nodded back and left the room, leaving me alone at the mercy of my thoughts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Have you told him?” Tate whispered in my ear as I wiped down a cafe table.

 

I rested an arm on the table. “Told him what?”

 

“You know…” Tate groaned and gestured with his hands. 

 

I pursed my lips and frowned.”Firstly, I don’t like him or whatever you’ve assumed.”

 

“Alright, but you’ve only have yourself to blame if he, y’know…” Tate cringed, demonstrating what he meant by waving his hands around. “And you didn’t tell him how you feel.”

 

“I don’t like him and he doesn’t like me!” I barked, louder than intended. A couple of customers stared at me before returning to whatever they were doing. I lowered my voice so only Tate could hear and continued. “We’re friends. Just. Friends.”

 

Tate shrugged. “Just remember what I told you: he might not be around for much longer.”

 

“Stop!” I clenched my jaw and felt my body tense up. “I don’t like him, nor do I intend to!”

 

“You don’t like who?” 

 

Tate and I snapped our heads towards the voice. Newt stood in the doorway, his face scrunched into the frown he wore often. 

 

“No one. Just, go back upstairs.” I shook my head and swallowed hard. I wondered how much he had heard. Hopefully not too much. 

 

“No.” Newt clenched his fists by his side, his frown getting angrier. “I’m not a kid that’s not allowed to know what’s going on. Tell me who you were talking about!”

 

“I said no one!” 

 

Newt growled and ran back up the staircase, slamming the door loudly making both Tate and I flinch. I groaned and buried my face in my hands. 

 

“Jesus Christ…” I muttered under my breath, massaging my temples.

 

I felt Tate put a hand on my shoulder. “You really need to tell him.”

 

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. “I know.”

 

“Alright,” He patted my shoulder gently. “Tell me how it goes, okay?”

 

“Yeah, whatever.” I dumped my apron on the bench and went upstairs to find Newt.

 

I felt terrified. Newt looked angry, and when he got angry, he got _really_ angry. I could feel my heart racing as I made my way upstairs. I hesitated to open the door to his room, but by the time I twisted the handle and swung it open, it was too late to go back. 

 

“Newt?” I coaxed. He was standing and looking out the window, wheeling the oxygen tank back and forth hypnotically. It was obvious he was pretending to ignore me.

 

I shut the door behind me, leaving us alone.

 

I swallowed hard and tried again. “Newt-“

 

He stopped wheeling the tank back and forth and slammed it harshly onto the ground. “Why can’t you just fuck off?”

 

I felt taken aback. I had never heard Newt swear so heavily. This only increased my nerves, he must be really mad. I didn’t want to aggravate him, but I still wanted to get some answers. If he started yelling, his lungs would start to get extremely stressed and tired. They were bad enough as the were, I couldn’t have his health deteriorate. I couldn’t handle knowing that his premature death could’ve been caused by me.

 

I sat down at his desk chair. He turned away from me as if he didn’t want me to see his face. “Do you want to talk?”

 

Newt immediately, his tone harsh and cold. “Do you not understand the meaning of fuck off? I knew you were stupid, Thomas, but this is a new low.”

 

“Alright, I’ll go then.” I began as I stood up and went to leave.

 

Newt snapped his head towards me and I finally saw his face. His eyes were slightly red and his cheeks shone with the faintest trace of tears. He raised a pleading hand. “No, please. Stay.”

 

“Fine.” I sat back down. “But you have to speak to me. Without insulting me every two seconds.”

 

I could see Newt’s jaw clench, he returned his gaze to somewhere in the distance. “About what?”

 

“Tell me what’s been up with you lately.” 

 

“Nothing’s been up.” His gaze softened and he lowered his aggressive stance, returning to his vulnerable and frail form. “I’m fine.”

 

“I don’t think you are.” I got up and stood next to him, resting my hand on the windowsill next to his. “You’ve become aggressive, you’re not yourself.”

 

Newt shrugged sheepishly. “I’m just stressed. That’s all.” 

 

“Stressed about what?”

 

“I didn’t know this was a game of 20 Questions,”  He muttered simply, licking his lips and looking out the window. 

 

I nodded. He obviously ignored my request for him to tone down his insults. 

 

“Leo wants me to start talking to our parents again. Before I, y’know… kick the bucket.”

 

I frowned. This was the first time Newt had mentioned his parents. I was curious, but I didn’t want to aggravate him about it. I had asked  only once and it wasn’t successful. He just ignored me and pretended I didn’t say anything.

 

“Are you going to?” I questioned.

 

Newt scoffed and shook his head. “Of course _bloody_ not. I don’t want to speak to them, I don’t need them.”

 

“Are you sure?”

He sighed and turned to me. His eyes were slightly less red and he had his famous sly smirk plastered across his face. “I have Leo, and I have you. That’s all I really need.”

 

Newt took my face in his cool slender hands. I knew exactly what was going to happen. My palms began to sweat and my face became hot. I didn’t feel excited… I felt nervous, scared almost. Just as Newt leant in for the kiss, I did something _really_ stupid. I shoved him away, unlocking myself from his grasp. Newt gaped at me, his expression plastered with a look of disappointment…and hurt? My face flushed with heat. I felt my shoulders instinctively cave in as the horrible feeling of guilt washed over me.

 

I thought I liked Newt, then why did I push him away? Newt seemed to be wondering the exact same thing. I couldn’t take it anymore, I rushed out of the room and slammed the door behind me. I pressed my back against the door and listened for Newt. I expected the scrape of a chair, the sound of footsteps. But there was nothing. Newt hadn’t moved from his position.

 

 I closed my eyes and let out and exasperated sigh. I needed to get away from all this. I couldn’t get to the car fast enough. I wasn’t going to go anywhere, it was enough satisfaction to just sit there in silence. Soon enough, I began to tire. I melted into the drivers seat and my eyes glazed over. I felt so calm and serene. All of the days stress washed off me. 

 

A gentle tap on the window startled me. I sat up immediately, blinking rapidly in an attempt to wake myself up. 

 

“You gave me a fright.” I sighed as Newt came and opened the door and sat next to me.

 

He replied with a grunt and averted his gaze to somewhere outside the window.

 

“Why are you here?” I spat, shifting uncomfortably in my seat. An explosion of heat burst in my stomach when Newt turned his intense gaze onto me.

 

He sighed loudly, “Why’d you do it?”

 

It wasn’t rocket science to understand what he was talking about. I tried to play it cool. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Don’t lie to me. Tell me why you did it.” Newt repeated, almost pleadingly. 

 

I sighed and slammed my hand against the dashboard, Newt flinched. “I don’t know, okay? I don’t know.”

 

Newt swallowed hard and kissed his teeth. “Right then.”

 

As if on cue, my phone buzzed. It was a text from Tate. I groaned.

 

“What did he say?”

 

I rolled my eyes and turned the ignition key. “ _Apparently_ , he can’t take all these boxes of whatever he was picking up from the airport so I have to get them.”

 

“I see.” Newt muttered simply, he nodded his head as if to urge me to move the car.

 

“Oh, are you going to get out?”

 

Newt looked insulted, “Do you want me to get out?”

 

“No, I just- I thought that…” I stuttered, the words spilling out of my mouth uncontrollably. 

 

“Just shut up and drive, Tommy.” Newt muttered in his soft British accent. Chills raced down my spine and we sped off.

 


End file.
